How It Ends

Devotchka - How It Ends

So I have been thinking lately about my old relationships and dating experiences, and I have come to realize that after every break up and "let's be friends" conversation I have had with a guy...they seem to find the love of their life soon after. I have never been dumped, broken up with, or been told "I want to be just friends". 

It has always been me that has started those conversations. 

I swear I think I'm the girl guys date to get to the girl they are meant to love. Rascal Flatts wrote a song where they sing "God bless the broken road that led me straight to you". Well, I'm that broken road. I think it's a curse.

 In terms of sports, I'm the Chicago Cubs in the game of Love. 

The past 4 guys I have "dated" all are still with the girls they dated right after I said "We're better off as friends". One is even married. 

I know it seems kind of dumb to say, but I'm tired of ending it. I want MY heart stomped on. I want to be dumped. told "let's just be friends". Eat my feelings in ice cream while my friends call him a dick.  

Because at least then, I'll know what it would have felt like to have loved & lost. 

I think I'm too tired of deciding how it ends, so I don't even look anymore.

or maybe it's because the first guy I ever dated cheated on me within the first 3 weeks of dating.

way to fuck me over, Scott.

dick.

to finding the one,

cxs

Losers

I love this video and everything about it. 

I love this song and everything it stands for.

to us losers,

cxs

I Believe

I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe in love and that there is someone for everyone. I believe that age is nothing but a label.

And I believe in magic and music and how often I find the two words synonymous. 

I made a playlist of what I think are some of the most magical songs to just listen to. There are no words (except the first song) but the rest are purely instrumental, which are often the most magical. You can listen to it and insert your own imagination, feelings, words, scenarios, anything. I like to create stories in my head while listening to this playlist. make-believe stories that could never happen in reality, but that are so real when hearing the music. It's what makes me want to be a writer of books and stories. It's the best escape there is aside from music.

So here's the playlist. 

 I want to sleep here.

 I want my future wedding reception to be like this...

 ...while we dance in here...

...but feel like we're dancing here.

to dreaming to music,

cxs

This Month...

I Want To...

- play tennis

- run

- make a new friend

- discover something new (to me) in Chicago

- learn something new

- read at least two books cover to cover

- be kind

- be honest

- be outgoing

- do something spontaneous

- take risks

- read a book by Oscar Wilde

- be a better person

to begin I made a motivational playlist. 

let's do this,

cxs

To live is the rarest thing in the world. 

Most people exist, that is all.

-Oscar Wilde

Beautiful Mess

Beautiful Mess - Jason Mraz

So I have been listening to a lot of Jason Mraz lately, which always reminds me of traveling and to let all my worries go. Below is one of my favorite quotes from Jason.

...Why would you ever waste a day worrying about anything? - or think you should have done this or could have done that?

 Wake up to the WTF of it all and enjoy the ride.

- Jason Mraz

I love that.

I also absolutely love this quote from one of my favorite movies: Elizabethtown

Claire Colburn: You wanna be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you're still smiling. 

Truth!

 I need to stop worrying about how people see me. My life is a beautiful mess. I've gotten to experience more than most and I am only 20. I should be grateful, appreciative, & happy. I've met amazing people, I've traveled to amazing places, I've made mistakes and learned from them, I've failed and gotten back up again. I also highly doubt it will end there. I will fail countless more times in my life. I will get hurt, lose things close to me, and want to give up. Reading other blogs though helps me realize I'm not alone. Music, books, nature, people; they all make life a little better and worth all the shit.

But, if life is far too shitty for you? take on life like the honey badger. 

Life will fear you.

Bring it on, life.

Jason's blog is amazing at making one feel great, laugh, and smile. His writing style is also fantastic.

 I admire him to no end. 

lovelovelove,

cxs

Chicago

I kind of really like where I live right now and I am seriously dreading moving back home to the burbs. 

4 months until I leave this city.

4 more months of true happiness, until we meet again city livin'.

In the mean time, here is some chicago inspired tunage

Sounds of Chicago

to chicago,

cxs

This Weeks Repeat Artist

So right now I am absolutely, totally, and completely in love with the band "Crash Kings". Seriously they are amazing and I definitely recommend checking them out here. This week they are my number one repeated musicians on my itunes.

1. Non Believer

2. Mountain Man

3. Raincoat

are among my top most played right now

Crash Kings will be making an appearance at Lollapalooza August 5th. 

I want to go.

to songs on repeat,

cxs

Things That Make Me Smile

This Quote

"Would you complain because a beautiful sunset doesn’t have a future or a shooting star a payoff? And why should romance ‘lead anywhere’? Passion isn’t a path through the woods. Passion is the woods. It’s the deepest wildest part of the forest; the grove where the fairies still dance and obscene old vipers snooze in the boughs. Everybody but the most dried up and dysfunctional is drawn to the grove and enchanted by its mysteries, but then they just can’t wait to call in the chain saws and bulldozers and replace it with a family-style restaurant or a new S and L. That’s the payoff, I guess. Safety. Security. Certainty. Yes, indeed. Well, remember this, pussy latte: we’re not involved in a ‘relationship’, you and I, we’re involved in a collision. Collisions don’t much lend themselves to secure futures, but the act of colliding is hard to beat for interest."  —Tom Robbins

This Song

This Place

This Movie

& These Cats.

 

to smiling,

cxs

Hello, 3 am.

Well just as the title states, it's 3 am here in Chicago and I am wide awake. With all this free time I have by being unemployed and taking mostly online courses, one would think I would get too much sleep, when in fact...I have been more sleep deprived than ever. As part of this whole "getting out of this rut I'm in" part of my life, I need to start going to bed earlier; as in before 12 am. To help start this process I highly recommend creating sleep or calming playlists on the 8tracks website. It's absolutely fabulous for these types of scenarios. Also great for making morning playlists to get your day started on a high note (pun intended). Below is my playlist to help me relax in the depths of my sheets along with pictures I envy at this time of morning. Enjoy.

Hello, Pillow

to sleep,

cxs

Gatitude

A musician I love, Jason Mraz, has always been on my list of people whom I admire most (along side Audrey Hepburn and Winston Churchill). By reading his blog "Freshness Factor Five Thousand" I am able to learn a lot from him through his life experiences and beliefs. I take a lot of his advice about living a better, greener, and healthier lifestyle. He always seems so happy and content with his life and that is exactly what I am looking for. Those of you looking for guidance on how to be happier, healthier, or greener, I would definitely suggest checking him out. His writing style is fabulous and he's charmingly funny. Oh, and his music is pretty good too ;) 

Below is a picture that I like to look at sometimes when I think everything in my life is going wrong. I found it on Jason's blog and it has truly opened my eyes to the world beyond my window and shows how bless I am. Save it to your computer and look at it when you have those off days...it lowers me off my little dark cloud right away and makes me think of everything I am grateful for. 

Gratitude: Let's try it, shall we?

to gratitude,

cxs