I Believe

I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe in love and that there is someone for everyone. I believe that age is nothing but a label.

And I believe in magic and music and how often I find the two words synonymous. 

I made a playlist of what I think are some of the most magical songs to just listen to. There are no words (except the first song) but the rest are purely instrumental, which are often the most magical. You can listen to it and insert your own imagination, feelings, words, scenarios, anything. I like to create stories in my head while listening to this playlist. make-believe stories that could never happen in reality, but that are so real when hearing the music. It's what makes me want to be a writer of books and stories. It's the best escape there is aside from music.

So here's the playlist. 

 I want to sleep here.

 I want my future wedding reception to be like this...

 ...while we dance in here...

...but feel like we're dancing here.

to dreaming to music,

cxs

This Month...

I Want To...

- play tennis

- run

- make a new friend

- discover something new (to me) in Chicago

- learn something new

- read at least two books cover to cover

- be kind

- be honest

- be outgoing

- do something spontaneous

- take risks

- read a book by Oscar Wilde

- be a better person

to begin I made a motivational playlist. 

let's do this,

cxs

To live is the rarest thing in the world. 

Most people exist, that is all.

-Oscar Wilde

Give Up & Let Go

I came across this amazing blog Marc and Angel Hack Life. They write some amazing tips about life, having fun, being a better person, and even things to do before you have kids. perfect. The first one I read is 50 Things You Need To Give Up Today and it's wonderful. Everyone should follow it. I am going to start with numbers 2, 3, 31, 44, and 47. There are so many blogs written on this site that I am so excited to start reading. It's blogs like Marc and Angel that make me glad I even started blogging; also the fact that I can get all my thoughts out of my head. It's relaxing. Hope you enjoy Marc and Angel's blog, I know I will!

to giving up on crap and letting go,

cxs

Sleepy Nights

Cleo is my cat and current roommate.

She's cute, fluffy, and terribly dull.

The girl sleeps all the time.

Maybe I should take note: bedtime is before midnight on a weekday.

goodnight,

cxs

Life & How To Survive It

This. Helps. A lot. 

Check out Mr. Wang's blog here for an insightful & helpful outlook on life. 
 

Life: in a nutshell 

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.


Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.


Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.



It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

what to take away from Mr. Wang's advice is simply put below.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

ready. set. go.

cxs

Mistakes

I should not stay up this late. Once 2 am comes around I need to just go to bed. Staying up this late, listening to soft music, and sitting alone in my apartment I think about everything. By everything I mean all the bad stuff like regrets and mistakes I've made. I have a lot of them in my life and I'm only 20. They say the only things you regret in life are the chances and opportunities you didn't take. No one really regrets DOING something, except me.

At first, I thought I made a big mistake by going to SIUC. 

Now, I think it was a big mistake I ever left.

....

cxs

words of advice to self:

p.s. I'm still really lost in life.

No Matter

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a cheshire cat in a tree. "Which road do I take?" she asked. "Where do you want to go?" was his response. "I don't know," Alice answered. "Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

-Lewis Carroll

         

At the moment, my life is like that of Alice in Wonderland: wildly out of whack.

no idea what road to take

I have met some odd people along the way

I have a silly cat that keeps me company 

nothing makes sense anymore

and I'm pretty sure I have gone mad.

oh well.

no matter,

cxs

Random Wants

I want...

...to climb this tree

The Angel Oak Tree in Charleston, South Carolina.

Cool, right? It's like something out of a fairy tale, or Harry Potter. This tree is over 1500 years old and stands 65 ft tall.

to trees,

cxs

To Me...

Love is someone seeing the beauty in you and wanting to bask in it every day all day. Love is not guaranteed. We are not owed love. That’s why when we get it, we know how lucky we are and hold on to it for dear life.

and

Love isn’t always marriage. Marriage is spending $60,000 so everyone can know that someone loves you. You know what’s certainly not love? Debt. In some cases, love can be divorce.

Credit goes to this website. 

The quotes above are the only ones I like from that site.

to true love,

cxs

Time to Flee

I HATE BEING SHY. 

It is my worst quality, but it's also who I am. I had a job interview today for a waitress position and I feel like it was a slow motion train wreck. I'm awkward. I'M SHY. I'm not very confident. To top it all off, my biggest insecurity right now is talking about school and the interviewer drilled me on it. She couldn't even fathom why I would be doing what I'm doing for school: online classes and one french class at a city community college rather than continuing at UIC. 

RANTRANTRANTRANTRANT

I feel like I made the right decision for education and financial reasons to take a few courses, especially since I am so lost in life. Her look said otherwise:

YOU'RE TOO SHY. HOW CAN YOU WORK HERE WHEN YOU FAIL AT LIFE. INTERVIEW:FAILED.

awesome start to the day.

Time to flee the country. I want a redo somewhere else. 

let's go,

cxs

      p.s. I like this. "give up defining yourself - to yourself or to others. you won’t die. you will come to life. and don’t be concerned with how others define you. when they define you, they are limiting themselves, so it’s their problem. whenever you interact with people, don’t be there primarily as a function or a role, but as the field of conscious presence. you can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are."

—eckhart tolle