France or Bust?

Sometimes I wonder if I am all talk and no action when it comes to me wanting to live in France to work on my French speaking skills. I have been telling so many friends and family members of my future plans after graduation, mostly to appease the inconclusiveness and mystery that waits for me after May 4th, 2013.
"I want to live in France as an au pair to become more fluent in my French. Also, so I don't forget everything I've learned only to waste an entire minor and difficult 3 years of French classes" is what I have been telling everyone.

I can't help but wonder if they are as skeptical as I am...

For attending so many higher educational institutions in a variety of locations and areas, I absolutely, totally, and completely HATE change.

I don't know what I am more fearful of: Living in France, or not going at all.

 

I don't even know how to get started on such an adventure. But I do know that I often regret the things I don't do versus the things that I do.

Once this semester ends and I am done with school, will my new life chapter be cyclical of this entire blog? Will I be back in that rut? Part deux: post-grad.

The future is scary. 

but it's also absolutely exciting.

cxs

Pre-Valentine Treats

I could really go for something sweet right now. I think I am going through withdrawals from this past weekend.

So now I will look at delicious goodies and treats online to fill my sweet tooth while I munch on this carrot. -_-

Don't these Valentine cookies look too cute to eat??

Ha! They'd be gone in 2 seconds flat if I had my hands on them

....for real you guys...

 

J'ai besoin.

They can be found at the Vanille Patisserie in Chicago or just click here.

Happy early Valentine's Day to all!

xoxo

cxs
 

Food Comas and Liquid Cheese

Oh man....

This weekend I did nothing but eat out with a friend that was visiting. I am entirely deep fried, beer battered, and cheesed OUT. I don't think I have ever felt so gross. 

Welcome to the land of fried foods, guilt, and constipation. 

TMI? Deal with it.

 It being Super Bowl Sunday (or weekend in my case), I figured this would be my last weekend of bar food. Seriously though, after eating nothing but veggies, rice, fruits, water, and tea for the past month, my body has taken a BEATING this weekend.

Excuse me while I go and die in my bed.

Time to get back on track...again.

I also SERIOUSLY need to focus on school. I am not sure of it is this snowy weather or WHAT, but I just cannot seem to get out of bed to get to class in the mornings...or, let's be honest, afternoons, too. It's hardly February and I am almost out of "excused absences" in most of my classes. ughhhh -_-

Spring Break is in exactly 1 month. That is when my week of pure bliss when begin and I will be homework free and halfway to graduation. Until then, time to hit the books.

to getting back on track....for real

cxs

Whistle While You Work

Today is a cleaning day. 

I've decided if I am going to be healthy, organized, and focused in school, I need to start with a clean and orderly environment.

COMMENCE LAUNDRY DAY

I hate doing laundry here at school because I have to walk outside, 5 apartments down, into this dirty little room with one washer and two dryers from 1975, lime green walls, some guys nasty sneakers, and a constant pile of lint just next to the garbage can. (seriously guys...)

Best part about laundry day though? Clean sheets. OHHHH how I love thee.

 

Then it's on to vacuum, do the dishes, sweep the floor, cinderelly, cinderelly!

I might also add that this cleaning fit is partially due to the fact that my mom is visiting Tuesday and spending the night.
But once I have finished cleaning I will have to begin my studies and preparing for the week ahead. Gahhh It's almost February which means one month down....3 to go until graduation. 

Now, if only cleo would get her lazy bum out of bed to help....she's such a little free loader.

oh, but look at that little face... ^_^

to productive Sundays

cxs

Hopeless Wanderer

I made a new mix that I am in love with. It is also very fitting for this blog and those who follow.

Songs for Hopeless Wanderers from Clairabell24 on 8tracks Radio.

to us

cxs

New Look

Ok, this is a good place to for me to begin my countdown to graduation. To me that means better grades, a better mind set, and a better body. 

Grades

This is my LAST semester of college. I need to make it count. No more of that "I'll do better next semester" horseshit. That's just as bad as saying "Diet starts Monday" with a mouth full of cake. Which leads me to my next point:

Exercise

I have an average weight, which is fine, but I am more concerned with being physically fit. If only I could just return to my High School physique: Toned tennis arms and legs with sleek obliques. *sigh* Why didn't I wear more bikinis back then....Curse my insecure self...

Pinterest is seriously the greatest motivator to get in shape. I HATE going to a gym and not knowing how to do anything except run on a treadmill. Through pinterest I have found all these at home work outs solely for strength training! If you want to follow/repin my pins just click here!

I've spent the last week eating very healthy and watching my portions. So starting today I am beginning a serious workout regime. I want my tennis legs back in time for graduation...but without having to play tennis. (I am also sick of just being....squishy...).

Mind

Aside from strength training I would really like to get back into yoga. Considering I can bend forward about 20 degrees before my legs feel like the tendons will just snap I'd say it's time to do some serious stretching and easy, calming yoga poses. (seriously you guys...pinterest for that shit too)

I am also finding that I am awake until about 2:00am every school night (not much as changed since starting this blog obviously) therefore I need to relax my mind more and stop worrying so much about what to do after I graduate. 

So here we go. I am going to be updating fairly frequently from now on to help me stay focused (and vent about how I just want a fucking cupcake every so often)

Sooo...join me? or cheer me on? or just sit there with your delicious cakes and mock me or whatever.

to May 2013

cxs

I Suck

My 3 day weekend is now officially over and I have successfully sat on my ass all weekend.

I made a To-Do list and it has remained untouched and unaccomplsihed.

I swear I can only work under pressure; so probably about 1 am is when I'll start my homework. I really need to work on just getting things done. EARLY.

Granted I have been very sick this weekend...but I think that is more of a cop-out to not get any of my work done. whatever. 

Let me tell you what this weekend consisted of:

• Sleep
• Hours of Always Sunny on Netflix
• Benedryl. lots and lots of Benedryl (too broke for NyQuil)
• Random acts of exercise that unequivocally amounted to nothing
• Downloading of music
• Made 3 new 8Tracks playlists
• Hours on Youtube, Facebook, Twitter, and any other time consuming, inefficient internet site
• Hours of my new TV addiction: "Girls" on HBO (so good)

so here I am, 6:22pm, 8am class in the morning, and I haven't. done. shit.

sometimes I hate myself.

to procrastination
cxs

New Start

 I decided to make a motivational playlist to help keep me on track for 2013 and the resolutions I've made up. Enjoy.

Start Fresh. Start New. from Clairabell24 on 8tracks Radio.

I guess I should share my resolutions so they seem a bit more official.

• stay in touch.
• stop focusing on weight loss and focus on being strong and healthy.
• do well for my last semester. this is it. i'm done after this.
• graduate
• step outside my comfort zone
• be proactive in my own life. say yes.
• be kind.

I've put a lot on my plate, but I'd rather have lots of options.

to myself

cxs

Holy Hell

It's been a while, hasn't it?

Considering I am home sick with a very bad cold, now is as good a time as any to get back into my blog. I swear I write in waves. Some weeks over flowing with thoughts. Some months gone without a single word. 

Is it too late to start a New Years resolution to write in here more often?

Well to start off I am back at school, taking 18 credits hours (full time entirely), and hoping that I will manage to graduate in May. FINALLY.

I just keep picturing me putting on that cap and gown, grabbing my diploma, and running for the hills. 5 years, 5 schools, countless shelves of text books, and thousands of dollars later I will finally have the proof that I have been educated: a little piece of paper. How wonderful.

DONE.

Christmas and New Years were great. Much better than last year and both very relaxing and chill.

Does that mean 2013 will be awesome? I sure hope so!

Now it's time to work on my resume and cover letter to begin the job hunt. Only issue is that I don't want to go right into a job after school. (and frankly, I think the odds are in my favor). I want to travel. Backpack all over. I have my entire life to work. I'd rather see the world while I am young and able instead of going later in life. I have been looking into being an Au Pair in France now, though I am scared shitless of that endevour I think it can only benefit me.

French is so unnatural to me, as any language would be, but it makes me feel sooooo uncomfortable to speak it that I often let my grades suffer because of it, even though I know exactly what is going on in my French classes, I refuse to participate. Damn my timidness...

That is where my life is at this moment. I swear I will keep this posting thing up. I forget how stress relieving it can be to just write out all my thoughts that keep building up.

to 2013

cxs

p.s. I am currently reading The Hobbit and I don't know why I never read it sooner. It's wonderful.

Let's Just Go...

 

to adventures

cxs

Halloween 12'

Happy Halloween!

A friend came to visit this weekend so we put on our costumes and hit the town: Bar style.

Here's my costume this year. 

I made the wings and used eye lash glue to stick the leftover feathers around my eye.

 Costume Price: Under 15 bucks

Couldn't decide if I was a Raven or Blackbird (Singin' in the dead of night)...

Take these broken wings and learn to fly.

 Happy Halloween,

cxs

Tunage

Phuck it all. Let's have some phun.

xoxo

cxs

Problem, Family?

My mom left. So here is my problem family post to get my mind off everything rather than sitting in silence.

My parents should have divorced years ago. Growing up they were always fighting and setting poor examples of love, family, and communication.

They are most likely staying together for my brother and I, or so their families and friends do not look down upon their decision to divorce. Divorce is so highly frowned upon within my family circle that my parents would rather live together in agony and constant anger toward each other than to separate. Which would make things MUCH easier.

So any holiday event or family oriented day (Birthdays, anniversaries, etc) are always terrible.

My birthday was the other day, which meant we would all have to deal with each others company for about 30 minutes to open gifts and eat cake. Which later would inevitably end in fighting between my parents as my brother and I sneak off to the basement and ignore their childish behavior. 

Well my mom just packed a suitcase and left for the night. Happy Birthday!

Honestly I'm just tired of this. It has been going on since I can remember. 

My perception of love and communication has been totally altered because of the charming examples my parents have shown my entire life. 

Word of advice. If you can't be friendly or loving toward your spouse after 22+ years of being together...just get a divorce instead of constantly flirting with the idea of it. Never stay together for kids, it ends up hurting us more.

to those that put up with this shit.

cxs 

Here Comes the Sun

 

I love falling asleep on couches. I find them extremely comfortable and cozy. However, I am regretting falling sleep on the couch tonight. While watching Workaholics with my brother, I fell asleep about 11pm. Woke up at 2, watched the first 15 minutes of Chicken Run, because...well...it was on and it is just so great, then decided to go to BED.

 It is now 5:02 and I have yet to fall asleep in my own bed.

I can see the sherbert sky rolling in with dark clouds that always seem to look like mountains at this hour. I love being awake at this time; voluntarily of course.

I am listening to the Civil Wars sing "C'est la Mort" which is such a gorgeous song. They are easily one of my favorite artist duos.

Music always allows me to add a soundtrack to my life. Or daydream of what my life would be like if it was a movie and imagining it set to music that I am currently listening to. I often find myself doing that. Sometimes I will even ignore phone calls or texts for the moment that I am listening to a song, just because the imagery set to the music I am imagining is too perfect to let go. 

I'll imagine my first dance at my wedding with my future husband (for years I have been picturing Jason Mraz as my husband to be. He always, and still is, an excellent husband filler). 

I'll imagine one of those lame but totally adorable cliché "realizing I love you" moments in the rain, screaming the name of the man I love, confessing our love in the streets of London.

Even when I am out for a run I will put my life in the music. Imagining I am running the backroads of Ireland is one of my favorites, or running across country to my future love, or in a bad-ass, mofo chase scene. 

to life's little soundtracks

cxs

p.s.

It is really pretty outside right now

College Blues

Ok I need a venting post about college.

This topic has always been on my mind but I've never had the guts to say it.

I don't like college.

I never did. I thought it was the school, maybe my major choice, or perhaps the location.

NOPE! It's me.

 I don't like college. Regardless of school, location, major, whatever, I ALWAYS have a meltdown before going back. Always. (But that could also be my fear of change).

I only have 2 semesters left of school. And yet, I STILL don't want to go back. 

I see all my friends having these awesome cliché college experiences and loving life, and yet I'm always dreading college, going back, and attending classes.

What the hell is wrong with me?

College is suppose to be the best time and everyone always wishes they could go back and relive their college days. Frankly I can't wait for them to be over.

Like right now for example. Thinking about going back to school in the fall terrifies me to no end. Meeting new people, living in an unfamiliar dorm, starting new classes with new teachers and new students. I hate it.

I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.

As soon as I graduate I want to do this:

http://www.workaway.info/

It would be a great and much less expensive way to learn French and live abroad.

 (inevitably I'll have a meltdown before going) but I just want to be done with school.

here hoping my tears of dread will turn into joy after spring 2013

cxs