So I have been thinking lately about my old relationships and dating experiences, and I have come to realize that after every break up and "let's be friends" conversation I have had with a guy...they seem to find the love of their life soon after. Ihave never been dumped, broken up with, or been told "I want to be just friends".
It has always been me that has started those conversations.
I swear I think I'm the girl guys date to get to the girl they are meant to love. Rascal Flatts wrote a song where they sing "God bless the broken road that led me straight to you". Well, I'm that broken road. I think it's a curse.
In terms of sports, I'm the Chicago Cubs in the game of Love.
The past 4 guys I have "dated" all are still with the girls they dated right after I said "We're better off as friends". One is even married.
I know it seems kind of dumb to say, but I'm tired of ending it. I want MY heart stomped on. I want to be dumped. told "let's just be friends". Eat my feelings in ice cream while my friends call him a dick.
Because at least then, I'll know what it would have felt like to have loved & lost.
I think I'm too tired of deciding how it ends, so I don't even look anymore.
or maybe it's because the first guy I ever dated cheated on me within the first 3 weeks of dating.
"Another year is fast approaching. Go be that starving artist you’re afraid to be. Open up that journal and get poetic finally. Volunteer. Suck it up and travel. You were not born here to work and pay taxes. You were put here to be part of a vast organism to explore and create. Stop putting it off. The world has much more to offer than what’s on 15 televisions at TGI Fridays. Take pictures. Scare people. Shake up the scene. Be the change you want to see in the world." —Jason Mraz
Well my roommate of 8 months has officially moved out and headed to Albania for the summer to be with her family. And I will be here. Alone in the city. Living by myself. I can't decide if I am excited...or sad.
I should be excited because I am 20 years old, living in one of the greatest cities in the world. However, I feel more sad than excited. I am all alone. I see all my friends going off to have these incredible adventures this summer. Touring Europe, road trips, etc. I feel like this apartment is only weighing me down. I don't have the freedom to leave for Europe all summer. I can't be in the suburbs with all my friends who are home for the summer. I will miss this apartment greatly once it is gone, but I want to travel so badly that I almost wish I never even moved downtown. In High School, everything I saw myself doing and becoming in college is happening at a glacial pace. I feel like I am doing everything wrong. Taking all the wrong paths. Making all the wrong choices. Saying no too often. Saying yes to all the wrong things.
WTF am I doing wrong here?!
I need to make sure this summer, living in the city, is and will be totally worth the money I am spending on living here.
It's adventure time
....as soon as school ends next week...
Adventure is out there no matter where you are.
You just have to be willing to go out and find it.