Thursday, July 26, 2012

Problem, Family?

My mom left. So here is my problem family post to get my mind off everything rather than sitting in silence.

My parents should have divorced years ago. Growing up they were always fighting and setting poor examples of love, family, and communication.
They are most likely staying together for my brother and I, or so their families and friends do not look down upon their decision to divorce. Divorce is so highly frowned upon within my family circle that my parents would rather live together in agony and constant anger toward each other than to separate. Which would make things MUCH easier.

So any holiday event or family oriented day (Birthdays, anniversaries, etc) are always terrible.

My birthday was the other day, which meant we would all have to deal with each others company for about 30 minutes to open gifts and eat cake. Which later would inevitably end in fighting between my parents as my brother and I sneak off to the basement and ignore their childish behavior. 

Well my mom just packed a suitcase and left for the night. Happy Birthday!

Honestly I'm just tired of this. It has been going on since I can remember. 
My perception of love and communication has been totally altered because of the charming examples my parents have shown my entire life. 

Word of advice. If you can't be friendly or loving toward your spouse after 22+ years of being together...just get a divorce instead of constantly flirting with the idea of it. Never stay together for kids, it ends up hurting us more.

to those that put up with this shit.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Here Comes the Sun

I love falling asleep on couches. I find them extremely comfortable and cozy. However, I am regretting falling sleep on the couch tonight. While watching Workaholics with my brother, I fell asleep about 11pm. Woke up at 2, watched the first 15 minutes of Chicken Run, was on and it is just so great, then decided to go to BED.

 It is now 5:02 and I have yet to fall asleep in my own bed.

I can see the sherbert sky rolling in with dark clouds that always seem to look like mountains at this hour. I love being awake at this time; voluntarily of course.

I am listening to the Civil Wars sing "C'est la Mort" which is such a gorgeous song. They are easily one of my favorite artist duos.

Music always allows me to add a soundtrack to my life. Or daydream of what my life would be like if it was a movie and imagining it set to music that I am currently listening to. I often find myself doing that. Sometimes I will even ignore phone calls or texts for the moment that I am listening to a song, just because the imagery set to the music I am imagining is too perfect to let go. 

I'll imagine my first dance at my wedding with my future husband (for years I have been picturing Jason Mraz as my husband to be. He always, and still is, an excellent husband filler). 

I'll imagine one of those lame but totally adorable cliché "realizing I love you" moments in the rain, screaming the name of the man I love, confessing our love in the streets of London.

Even when I am out for a run I will put my life in the music. Imagining I am running the backroads of Ireland is one of my favorites, or running across country to my future love, or in a bad-ass, mofo chase scene. 

to life's little soundtracks

It is really pretty outside right now

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

College Blues

Ok I need a venting post about college.

This topic has always been on my mind but I've never had the guts to say it.
I don't like college.
I never did. I thought it was the school, maybe my major choice, or perhaps the location.
NOPE! It's me.
 I don't like college. Regardless of school, location, major, whatever, I ALWAYS have a meltdown before going back. Always. (But that could also be my fear of change).
I only have 2 semesters left of school. And yet, I STILL don't want to go back. 
I see all my friends having these awesome cliché college experiences and loving life, and yet I'm always dreading college, going back, and attending classes.
What the hell is wrong with me?
College is suppose to be the best time and everyone always wishes they could go back and relive their college days. Frankly I can't wait for them to be over.

Like right now for example. Thinking about going back to school in the fall terrifies me to no end. Meeting new people, living in an unfamiliar dorm, starting new classes with new teachers and new students. I hate it.
I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.

As soon as I graduate I want to do this:

It would be a great and much less expensive way to learn French and live abroad.
 (inevitably I'll have a meltdown before going) but I just want to be done with school.

here hoping my tears of dread will turn into joy after spring 2013