Sunday, October 28, 2012

Halloween 12'

Happy Halloween!

A friend came to visit this weekend so we put on our costumes and hit the town: Bar style.
Here's my costume this year. 
I made the wings and used eye lash glue to stick the leftover feathers around my eye.
 Costume Price: Under 15 bucks

Couldn't decide if I was a Raven or Blackbird (Singin' in the dead of night)...






Take these broken wings and learn to fly.


 Happy Halloween,
cxs

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Problem, Family?

My mom left. So here is my problem family post to get my mind off everything rather than sitting in silence.



My parents should have divorced years ago. Growing up they were always fighting and setting poor examples of love, family, and communication.
They are most likely staying together for my brother and I, or so their families and friends do not look down upon their decision to divorce. Divorce is so highly frowned upon within my family circle that my parents would rather live together in agony and constant anger toward each other than to separate. Which would make things MUCH easier.

So any holiday event or family oriented day (Birthdays, anniversaries, etc) are always terrible.

My birthday was the other day, which meant we would all have to deal with each others company for about 30 minutes to open gifts and eat cake. Which later would inevitably end in fighting between my parents as my brother and I sneak off to the basement and ignore their childish behavior. 

Well my mom just packed a suitcase and left for the night. Happy Birthday!

Honestly I'm just tired of this. It has been going on since I can remember. 
My perception of love and communication has been totally altered because of the charming examples my parents have shown my entire life. 


Word of advice. If you can't be friendly or loving toward your spouse after 22+ years of being together...just get a divorce instead of constantly flirting with the idea of it. Never stay together for kids, it ends up hurting us more.

to those that put up with this shit.
cxs 




Sunday, July 22, 2012

Here Comes the Sun

 
I love falling asleep on couches. I find them extremely comfortable and cozy. However, I am regretting falling sleep on the couch tonight. While watching Workaholics with my brother, I fell asleep about 11pm. Woke up at 2, watched the first 15 minutes of Chicken Run, because...well...it was on and it is just so great, then decided to go to BED.

 It is now 5:02 and I have yet to fall asleep in my own bed.

I can see the sherbert sky rolling in with dark clouds that always seem to look like mountains at this hour. I love being awake at this time; voluntarily of course.

I am listening to the Civil Wars sing "C'est la Mort" which is such a gorgeous song. They are easily one of my favorite artist duos.

Music always allows me to add a soundtrack to my life. Or daydream of what my life would be like if it was a movie and imagining it set to music that I am currently listening to. I often find myself doing that. Sometimes I will even ignore phone calls or texts for the moment that I am listening to a song, just because the imagery set to the music I am imagining is too perfect to let go. 


I'll imagine my first dance at my wedding with my future husband (for years I have been picturing Jason Mraz as my husband to be. He always, and still is, an excellent husband filler). 

I'll imagine one of those lame but totally adorable cliché "realizing I love you" moments in the rain, screaming the name of the man I love, confessing our love in the streets of London.

Even when I am out for a run I will put my life in the music. Imagining I am running the backroads of Ireland is one of my favorites, or running across country to my future love, or in a bad-ass, mofo chase scene. 

to life's little soundtracks
cxs




p.s.
It is really pretty outside right now

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

College Blues

Ok I need a venting post about college.


This topic has always been on my mind but I've never had the guts to say it.
I don't like college.
I never did. I thought it was the school, maybe my major choice, or perhaps the location.
NOPE! It's me.
 I don't like college. Regardless of school, location, major, whatever, I ALWAYS have a meltdown before going back. Always. (But that could also be my fear of change).
I only have 2 semesters left of school. And yet, I STILL don't want to go back. 
I see all my friends having these awesome cliché college experiences and loving life, and yet I'm always dreading college, going back, and attending classes.
What the hell is wrong with me?
College is suppose to be the best time and everyone always wishes they could go back and relive their college days. Frankly I can't wait for them to be over.

Like right now for example. Thinking about going back to school in the fall terrifies me to no end. Meeting new people, living in an unfamiliar dorm, starting new classes with new teachers and new students. I hate it.
I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.I hate it.

As soon as I graduate I want to do this:
http://www.workaway.info/

It would be a great and much less expensive way to learn French and live abroad.
 (inevitably I'll have a meltdown before going) but I just want to be done with school.



here hoping my tears of dread will turn into joy after spring 2013
cxs

 

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Tunage

"Life's too short to even care at all"



Young the Giant - Cough Syrup


OoowoaHo



xoxo
cxs

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Summer Break...Work

I'm back home for summer and it's bittersweet.
I love being home and seeing my friends, but I also really miss being away on my own and with my BGSU family.
I also am absolutely DREADING my grades. (well....just my French grades)

Je m'en fous!

It's summer!



 But to do fun things....I'll need some money...(for gas at least)

So I am back to work at Nordstrom for what will hopefully be my last summer working here.
As much as I adore my discount...I loathe the retail industry. I was yelled at today for wearing knee length, white, J. Crew bermuda shorts solely because they were shorts, and here at Nordstrom we don't wear shorts. -_- piss off....Why don't you tell the girl in the department over to not wear an ass-cheek showing mini skirt, or the lady in shoes to wear a shirt that doesn't show off her fake tits.

I hate retail I hate retail I hate retail I hate retail I hate retail
I hate retail I hate retail I hate retail I hate retail I hate retail
I hate retail I hate retail I hate retail I hate retail I hate retail
I hate retail I hate retail I hate retail I hate retail I hate retail
I hate retail I hate retail I hate retail I hate retail I hate retail
I hate retail I hate retail I hate retail I hate retail I hate retail

I feel better now :)

to jobs that pay the rent
cxs

Friday, April 27, 2012

We Meet Again

Hello, 3 A.M.

or I guess I should say 3:30...


It's always at this hour where I can't help but think about my life as I blast music through my headphones. I find comfort knowing everyone else around me is sleeping. It's like I am truly alone with just my thoughts (which can be bad sometimes). Tonight it's both good and bad. Lately I've been smiling a lot, thinking about graduating next spring and (hopefully) studying abroad next summer. It's weird looking back at my older posts from when I first started this blog, seeing how far I've come with figuring out my life, and not to mention the amount of support I've gotten from total strangers all over the world reading this, feeling the same in life: Lost. As I've stated before, I am in no way done with finding myself. I have only just gotten a grasp on this whole college thing. I can finally see the light at the end of what I thought was a never ending tunnel of college. 

But what's on my mind you ask? What's keeping me up? Let's begin...
  • Finals
  • Grades
  • Love
Let's talk about love...


Times have changed. Finding love doesn't have to be old school, movie romance anymore. I feel like love can be found anywhere, anytime, anyplace. With the technological advances, love can even be found through the internet. It opens a much broader option of finding love though. Before it seemed like love could only be found in ones backyard, 
but today, one can find love on the other side of the world.


What if you do find someone on the other side of the world though? The odds may not be in your favor, but can a relationship still make it? What is there is a language barrier? Is it frowned upon to find love through a computer or is that the new age? What about long distance...? What qualifies as long distance anymore? With ways of communication like Facebook, Skype, Whatsapp, and other means of communication, it almost eliminates the feeling of long distance. 

Are we in a new age of finding love?

Just some thoughts...



xoxo
cxs

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Tired of this...

Well 2 weeks ago I had the rest of my college career here at BGSU planned out. 
3 summer school courses, classes this fall, study abroad to Tours, France in spring, graduate after returning home in May 2013. I immediately called my dad to tell him the exciting news that graduation for me was in sight! 5 years and countless majors later, I had finally figured out college. 

until...

I had my study abroad advisement appointment to discuss what classes I would be taking in Tours. What was suppose to be a 15minute appointment finally ended 45 minutes later, almost in tears.
My communications adviser fucked. me. over.
Turns out, I need 3 more French classes before going to France, 2 of which conflict with times of 2 of my communication classes in the fall. 

My view of graduation is gone. I am lost again. A familiar feeling, but one I had thought was done with, at least during the rest of my college career.

Life.....you got me this time.
Claire: 0 Life: 1

Tuesday I have my advisement appointment to discuss what the hell to do.

It's funny the amount of work we go through for a little piece of paper, just to prove we've been educated.


to life, and how it can really fuck with you
cxs


Sunday, March 25, 2012

Give Me Love

Ed Sheeran: My new obsession



His lyricism is absolutely beautiful in every one of his songs.
Just really feelin' this song today.
 His live performances are even better than the studio which is such a rarity these day.

to finding love
cxs

Monday, March 19, 2012

Procrastination

Can we all just take a moment here to realize how much procrastination fuckin' blows.


In desperate times of late night homework energy, this is my go to song


That's all
cxs

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Bonjour Paris


Just returned home from a 3 day break from reality: A trip to Paris. In a word, I would describe it as perfect. I have been to Paris just once before, when I was 16, but that was during the student riots, so touristy site seeing was kept to a minimum so my mom and I clung to the local scene. This trip, however, was filled with museums galore, a bike tour of Paris, and many adventures on the metro. I even got a fair amount of French oral practice in. C'étais manifique! I'm counting down the days until I plan another visit. Peut-être this summer? We'll see!

Pro photo skills with the iPhone. That's my mom is in the background.

If you are traveling to a foreign city, I HIGHLY recommend doing a fat tire bike tour. It's quite possibly the best way to experience and see a city.

Oh, did I mention we stayed across the street from a little church you may have heard of?


*le sigh*
 Paris, J'taime
cxs

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Homeward Bound...Soon

The only thing helping me get through this next week filled with exams is the fact that this time next week I'll be sweet home Chicago.

My brother is picking me up Friday and spending the night here for a night out on the town of BG. (Should be interesting) Then we'll hit the 4 hour drive home Saturday. I can only assume right now I'll be the one driving the entire route. 

The week that I am home I definitely plan on picking up running again. I need to get in better shape for a 5k I'm doing June 2nd. Yes It's only a 5k....but seeing as I haven't jogged since...ohhh October 2011? I may need some more practice.
If any of you live in/near a city where the Color Run comes to town, I highly recommend signing up. 



I also have a haircut on Monday which I am THRILLED about. I need a new spring doo
(pics to follow on Monday)

Lastly, one of my favorite comedians, Michael Ian Black, has a new book coming out Feb. 28th.
"You're Doing It Wrong"
I plan to get my hands on this book immediately. It sounds absolutely hilarious and right up my alley.
& if you don't know who Michael Ian Black is I recommend watching this
Taco Party
I cry of laughter every time. Warning, He's very explicit and dry.

Looking forward to spring break and all that I have planned, which includes

This

This

This

& This

Now, bring it on exams. All four of you.
cxs

Friday, February 10, 2012

Amiright?

Anyone else here feel that everyone is advancing in life except you?
I swear every time I log into Facebook I see a new engaged couple, new graduate, new awesome life decision made, and new excursion about to happen. 
I am getting to a point where I want to delete my Facebook.

I recently read an article about how Facebook causes depression, because people will, normally, only post pictures and other things, about how happy and life fulfilling their lives may be (even if it is not the case). Thus, making all their friends see these posts and feel their lives are lacking fulfillment like the ones shown in the posts.

PSH, I could have told you that years ago.

My days feel so redundant, dull, and predictable. I often think of what life would be like if I just picked up and moved to Paris. Just go. I could NEVER do such a thing right now, but it's such a wonderful daydream to keep revisiting.

A girl in my french class was telling me about how she is double majoring in art history and French. She visited Paris and different Unis there over winter break, applied to many, and got into all. Now she is apartment hunting for a little place in Paris, and will begin her studies this fall. 

Oh, how I envy her.


She inspires me to take French much more seriously so, one day, Je peux habiter en France, aussi.


to daydreams
cxs


Sunday, February 5, 2012

I Love...

This man.

Jason Mraz.


I recommend reading his new journal. He is absolutely inspiring. Always has been and continues to amaze me day after day. His adventures, wisdom, lifestyle, love life. I envy him and support him fully through everything he does.


be inspiried
cxs

p.s. I also recommend you listen to his new single "I Won't Give Up" if you haven't already.
repeat. repeat. repeat.

Jason took this himself while in Antarctica and I literally gasped at how beautiful this is.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Questions for a Lost Mind

  1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
    - I would be 17. Confused on what to do with the rest of my life, still socially acceptable to be as immature as I am now, and I definitely still look like I'm 17.
  2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
    - Never trying. I'd rather live with the experience than have the thought of "what if" for the rest of my life.
  3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
    -Because everyone is too afraid to actually live. too afraid to fail. and too afraid of judgement. The same reasons why I don't do as many things as I would like to...
  4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
    -From where I stand now, yes. However, I plan on changing that, real soon.
  5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
    -I feel like I should say world peace or some shit, but I want people to stop judging others and making life a contest. People are too concerned whether they are living up to others expectations. fuck that.
  6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
    -Anything involving designing and traveling. Like traveling the world to inspire the layout of a magazine, room, or entire commercial building....in a city like Paris, New York, Chicago, or London.
  7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
    -I'm doing what I believe in. An education is important to me, however, I think I am settling on a safe major...
  8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
    -Honestly? I wouldn't waste my time with school. I wouldn't have gone to college. I would travel the world. Take more chances. Just go.
  9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
    -I have been very lucky, I've been able to control a great deal of my life. However, I'm still very young, and I expect life to really fuck with me when I graduate. So bring it on.
  10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
    -Doing the right things. There's a point where I wont do stuff because I was asked. I take control and do what is right. I hope that never changes for me.
  11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?
    -Stand up for my friend. I have no tolerance or respect for people to judge others.
  12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
    -experiment. try new things all the time. It's the only way to figure out what you hate, like, and love.
  13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
    - yes.
  14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
    -never first hand, but I feel Van Gogh is a perfect example of this.
  15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
    -College. I do college differently. I've been to 5 different colleges.
  16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
    -Because everyone is unique. It's what makes life so wonderful. If everyone likes the same things, life would be dull and predictable.
  17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back?
    -Backpack around Europe. What's holding me back? School and lack of money.
  18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
    -No. I think here is where I'm suppose to be holding on to an old lover...but I have never been in love. So I have no baggage of that sort. yayyy...
  19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
    -France, so I could become fluent in their language and experience an entirely new life.
  20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
    -I push once.
  21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
    - Joyful simpleton. easy.
  22. Why are you, you?
    -Does anyone know?
  23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
    -At times...no. But I've become much better.
  24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
    -Losing touch. It's always awkward running into them when you're out and about.
  25. What are you most grateful for?
    -My parents. I don't know many parents that would not only support, but PAY for their childs education after attending 5 colleges.
  26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
    -I'd rather lose all my old memories. I'm only 21, so at best I've got 17 years of memories. I'll gladly take 70 years of new memories.
  27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
    -yes? I don't like this question. SKIP.
  28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
    - yes. and only my parents and brother know about it. and it will stay that way forever.
  29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now?
    -haha I do. And I'm embarrassed at how upset I was over a silly break up. What a dork!!
  30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?
    -Playing outside. Whether it was kickball in the street or tag on the farm in Ohio. It was special becuase people actually interacted with each other instead of technology interacting for them.
  31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
    -When I was living in the city, attending a community college in the heart of Chicago. I have never felt more lost, independent, happy, and alive in my entire life. I miss that more than anything now.
  32. If not now, then when?
    -After I graduate from college. Promise.
  33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
    -Everything. I. Must. Graduate.
  34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
    -yes. many times. A simple giggle passing by could make my entire day.
  35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
    -ugh. I don't even want to start.
  36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
    -absolutely not.
  37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
    -no. I would never. I could blow through a million in a heart beat. I would invest.
  38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
    -More work I'd actually enjoy doing. Then it wouldn't feel like work at all.
  39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
    -oh god yes.
  40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
    -hmm....I guess when I transferred to BGSU without knowing a soul here. On my own. Away from family? That's a poor example...
  41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
    -My parents and Brother. They mean the absolute world to me, regardless of how much we all may fight.
  42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
    - That's hard, because I don't think I would like to live very long in my elderly years. If I live to be 100, I could stand losing 10yrs to be famous. But if I only live to 50...I wouldn't lose 10 years to be famous.
  43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
    -It's put best by Mr. Oscar Wilde: “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”
  44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
    -When loved ones are involved.
  45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
    -Because success feels so much better.
  46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
    -I would be more outgoing. Which would change everything about me and I'm sure I would then take more risks.
  47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
    -When someone says I'm breathing too loudly.
  48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
    -well I love my family, but I have never been IN love, so I feel I cannot answer this question fully. I guess, though, we love to be loved in return, because it's the best feeling in the world.
  49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that?
    -not at all. Which is why changes need to be made.
  50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
    -Well before I was letting others make them for me, but after answering these questions, I have seriously opened my mind to being proactive in MY life. This actually really helped me take a step back from my life and really analyze it.



     
    If you have 30-60 minutes to kill, I highly recommend answering these questions, or at least read though them. It's absolutely eye opening.


    to figuring out life and all that it entails
    cxs

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Conformity

Well I've set up my own Tumblr account.

Just another social networking, internet, life consuming addition to my browsers toolbar. It is much easier to post videos, photos, and quotes on there than it is on my Blogger. However, this doesn't mean an end to my blog. Au contraire. I'll still be here, writing about rants, raves, life, and how I am surviving in it. This blog is too near and dear to me to just give up. I has almost been a year since started my blog and it not only helped me release emotions, but I now have made a path for me, and others, to look back on and see mistakes, journeys, and experiences I've made a long the way to figuring my life out.

At 2am, I was reading past posts on here and finding it funny how just a year ago I could be so entirely lost, and here I am, new school, new town, new major. 
I've got my college and student life almost figured out. But what is to come after graduating? 
ohhhh man that will be interesting.

for the record,
I'm still lost.


Just not like I once was
cxs

Monday, January 23, 2012

My World

Am I the only one here that...
constantly wishes what happens in books, would happen in real life?


I find myself listening to music with no lyrics solely to think of stories in my head. Stories that match up with the music. Stories where Peter Pan whisks me away out my window. Stories where fairies will mess with girls I secretly despise. Stories where I will slow dance in a castle with my true love. Stories that take me far from where I am now. 


I want to live in a world where dragons exist. Where lions talk and wardrobes lead to new adventures. Where mermaids sing and horses have wings. I want to live in a world where men are true gentlemen and women are poised. Where fairies live in forests and butterflies tell you how beautiful you are. I want to live in a world where Hogwarts is a school of choice. Where I can fly out my window and be in Paris by morning. I want to touch the stars and breath underwater. 
I want a world of my own.


It's just as John Lennon said:

"I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?"


I've always dreamed of becoming an author, simply to get these images out of my mind and put on paper to revisit as I please. 



cxs 

 




Thursday, January 19, 2012

Holy. Crap.

Just read this. It's absolutely amazing.
(some parts I disagree with)
For the most part, it's so real.


let's make a difference
cxs

Monday, January 16, 2012

Parlez Vous Francais?

So, I'm minoring in French.
At first this sounded like a great idea since it correlated pretty well with my international communication degree. However, I am having the WORST time. I really want to learn and master this language, so I'm not going to give up on it because it's hard.
What I am going to do is rant about how difficult it is for me.


The evening started off well. Hard at work. On this dull paper.

confusion consumes my brain.

Anger.


Le Fuck cette paper.

I'm going to bed

bonsoir
cxs

Happy Break

One of my favorite Simon & Garfunkel songs
covered wonderfully by Local Natives

Cecilia


Cheers me up right away


to study breaks
:)
cxs

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Home

While in French class today my teacher asked us where home is.
When I said Chicago, the first thing my teacher replied with was,
"what do you miss most about Chicago?"
It was like someone then punched me in the stomach. I could feel the lump in my throat swell and my face get hot. I wanted to reply with "comment dit-on 'everything' en francaise?", which means "how do you say ' everything' in French?". But rather, I pulled together and just said, "I miss tall buildings".
I've always been really good at hiding my feelings under any circumstance, but today, 
I've never felt so homesick. 




I miss Chicago. A lot. Especially tall buildings. 
The tallest building in the town of Bowling Green is Bowing Green State University's library, with an impressive 8 floors. I went from working in one of the tallest buildings in the world (Sears Tower) to studying in the highest floor of the tallest building in all of BG. 
Different is an understatement.


I'm homesick
cxs